Tuesday, March 3, 2015

How to Protect Yourself from These 10 Toxic People

How to Protect Yourself from These 10 Toxic People

by Debbie McDaniel

Life is precious. Yet all too often, we may find that much of our time is spent around negative, toxic people, draining the life right out of us. Sometimes they’re co-workers, friends, or sadly, even familymembers.
God never intends for us to spin our wheels, waste our days, trying to make others happy who can never be happy. Because in reality, it doesn’t depend on us. It’s not up to you. They may want you to think it does, as if you possess the power to improve the value of their existence, but that’s not a burden meant for you to carry.
God’s greatest desire is to set us free. And sometimes what propels that change is for some brave soul to be willing to say, “Stop, no more.” One who will choose what is better, and learn to set boundaries that will protect and limit the control an unhealthy person might be placing on another’s life.
Sadly, when we look deep into the mirror of our souls, we may realize that we are the ones who have some unhealthy tendencies that God wants to change. Today’s a good day to stop wasting time in toxic patterns of living. For he has better in store for us.
Here are some of the most common types of toxic people we may rub shoulders with every day, or a few we may find in our own lives:

The Controller - This person is a master manipulator and constant controller. They want to be in charge, not just of their lives, but of yours and everyone else’s too. They watch you like a hawk, ready to pounce on your every flaw. They micro-manage down to the last detail. They have trouble letting go, so they don’t, they hold on, too tightly, until it about chokes out all those around them, suffocating others with their drive to be superior.

The Abuser – This person is desperately needy inside, and takes it out on you and the world around them. Through their own experiences of internalized past hurt, they have become angry, vicious, and cruel to those they say they care the most about. These people need help from counseling and outside sources. They need healing from God. If you find yourself in the home of an abuser, get help, now. Don’t stay in a potentially dangerous situation with your false hope that you can somehow change their old patterns of abuse. It is not up to you. Protect your life and the lives of those in your care.

The Too Easily Angered – This person is the one you always feel like you have to tiptoe around. Like you never know what will set them off and fly into a fit of rage. These people become easily irate at even the smallest thing, which is a sure sign, there’s a deep rooted problem inside. They’ve been known to throw things, hit things in their way, or spout off angry words they can never get back. They yell, they scream, they curse. You may see them on the ball fields, the golf course, the stressful office meetings, or even on the highway. Fits of rage not easily soothed, out of control temper tantrums that more closely resemble the patterns of a 2 yr. old.

The Bully - This person can be subtle or outright offensive in their attempts to bully, but either way, their desire is to dominate and make themselves look powerful. They have a strong need to feel better and look better than those around them, so they choose to bully anyone in their path. They use words, they use fists, they use lies, they use fear – but all in all, they want to push others down and exalt themselves and will stop at nothing to achieve their goal.
The Addict – This person is addicted to a substance or to a negative pattern or behavior that has severely affected their well-being as a person. They need help. They need professional help and they need spiritual help. They need people who will be brave to speak truth into their lives and not those who will feed their habit, enable their actions, or ignore dangerous signs of addiction. Recognize that this toxic pattern is bigger than just you. You are not to blame for the problem. But you can be the one who God uses to get them help.

The Negative – This person is the one who rarely has anything positive to say, because they see everything with a negative slant and have no problem telling you why. The sun may be shining, but in their mind, “It’s probably about to rain.” Life is viewed through shaded, cloudy lenses. They tend to be complainers, worriers, and whiners. These people often don’t even realize what they’re doing because it’s become such a natural part of the way they talk. They tend to zap the energy and suck life right out of you if you’re around them too much. They walk in defeat and choose to believe the worst about most things – even you.

The Blamer – This person is never to blame for it is always “your fault.” They will blame everything on others close to them. If they’re having a bad day, it’s your fault. If they’re running late, it’s your fault. If they lose something, it’s your fault. If they fail at something, it’s your fault. You will never “win” around the blamer, because they’re aim is to bring you down through their constant blame game.

The Gossiper – This person is always talking, and usually about someone else. They have an overriding need to be “in the know,” and to pass on the next juicy morsel to an open, listening ear. They can be vicious with their words, and cruel in their hearts towards another’s feelings. They have no regard for the reputation of another. They feed on lies, exaggerations, mere hearsay, and half-truths. They tend to feel better while talking about others so they can somehow feel better about themselves.

The Arrogant – This person is proud, self-serving, and always, always “right.” They never want to made the fool, but have no problem labeling others as foolish. They prey on the weak to make themselves appear better. They are quick to judge, quick to offer their opinions, and are rude to others in more subservient positions. Their goal in life is to be superior to all those around them.

The Victim – Not to be confused with one who really has been victimized in life and who is seeking God’s peace and healing, this person is one who tends to feel they are constantly the victim. In every situation. All throughout life. They are always feeling taken advantage of, always needy, always telling you what another has done to hurt them, or how no one cares. They see themselves constantly as the victim and before long, if you keep lending an ear; you may be the next one they feel victimized by.

What To Do?

1. Recognize the toxicity in others – or even in yourself.
We all have hope to change through the grace and goodness of God. And the first step there is to fully understand that there’s a need. If the problem is with you, admit that you need help. If the issue stems from within a family member or close friend, try talking with them in humility and with honesty, letting them know how these patterns over time have made you feel.

2. Set boundaries with tough love.
Tough love is able to say “enough.” Tough love says, “I care about you, but I care about me too, and I will not allow you to hurt me or those I love.” No other person has the right to trample you down, make you feel inferior, abuse, or bully you. Set limits to protect yourself. If you find yourself in a dangerous, abusive or addictive relationship, get out, and get help – NOW. It is not up to you to change the other person’s behavior. It is up to you to protect your life and the lives of those in your care. You may need to adjust how much time you spend with certain people; you may need to spend time forming new, healthier friendships. Seek out counsel. Find a good support group of those who will encourage you and provide a safe place for you to share and pray.

3. Keep moving forward in your trust in God.
He can accomplish great things through your prayers. He can move mountains. He can change hearts. Anything is possible through his great power. Understand that though it is never up to you to make someone different, he’s set you in their lives for a purpose, for a reason. And maybe the biggest purpose is to be light to them in their darkness, to extend gracious love and forgiveness no matter what, and to show your strength in a mighty God by setting clear boundaries and allowing them to answer to him, for the way they treat you or others.

4. Believe that God is for you.
He loves you, he cares for you, and he has good in store for your future.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John8:36).

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Government of Man vs. The Government of God

The Bible is about a King, a Kingdom and a royal family of children.
It's story and message are about the desire of a King to extend His Kingdom to new territories through His royal family. The Bible, therefore, is about government and governing.

What is government?
Government is about order, influence, administration, distribution, protection, maintenance, accountability, responsibility and productivity. Technically speaking, government is the person, group or organization that executes the functions of governing. This is manifested in the exercise of authority and jurisdiction over territory and citizenry. Government was first established by the command and mandate of God to Adam and incorporates the need to order, work, oversee, guard and protect.

end of part 1
(taken from Kingdom Principles by Myles Munroe)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Friday, October 23, 2009

15 Steps to Overcoming Discouragement

15 Steps to Overcoming Discouragement
Whitney Hopler

A stale marriage. A chronic health condition. A prolonged period of unemployment. Discouragement sets in when you start to feel a sense of hopelessness about your future - when it seems like the troubling circumstances you're going through won't ever improve. But if you look beyond your circumstances to God, you'll discover the real hope and better future that He promises you.

Here's how you can overcome discouragement:

Pray. God already knows how discouraged you feel, but He wants you to talk to Him about your feelings and listen for how His Spirit guides you. Honestly vent your frustration to God and keep in mind that He cares about what you're going through. Ask God to open your eyes spiritually so you'll be able to see your circumstances from His perspective. Pray for deliverance from circumstances that aren't God's will, and perseverance to empower you to endure circumstances that are His will until you learn all you're supposed to learn from them.

Remember Who God is. Shift your focus from your discouraging circumstances to God Himself. Remember that He is love, and also that He is all-powerful. Trust that God will help you because that's consistent with His character.

Prepare yourself for the discouraging situations you're bound to encounter. Every day, Satan will try to discourage you in some way, but you can guard against such attacks by keeping up with some basic spiritual disciplines daily. Pray, read and reflect on the Bible, write in a journal, and check in with a prayer partner to give each other encouragement and accountability.

Stick to your assignment. Think and pray about the work you're currently doing for God. Ask Him to clarify whether or not He has truly led you to your current assignment. Reflect on the successes and failures you've experienced so far and see if you can recognize a pattern that can help you discern if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. If it seems as if you're doing what God wants you to do but you just need to overcome some challenges while doing it, don't give up. Instead, fight discouragement by writing down a fresh vision for how to continue your work in the future.

Get guidance from a Christian counselor. If your discouragement has become so deep that you're struggling to overcome it, share your concerns with a Christian counselor who can give you biblical advice about how to move forward.

Refill your spiritual energy tank. Identify what's causing your spiritual energy levels to run low, write down the problem, form partnerships with a few people you trust who can join you in prayer about it, develop a clear strategy for solving the problem (such as scheduling a set time and place for daily devotions, or joining a weekly discipleship group), take action, and make yourself accountable to the people who are supporting you in prayer.

Take care of your physical health. Giving your body the care it needs will help you feel less discouraged. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep.

Spend time with someone who isn't discouraged. Time in that person's positive presence will naturally make you feel better yourself.

Give to people in need. Reaching out to help other people will prove encouraging for you because it will give you the joy of knowing that God has used you in significant ways.

Simplify your life. Base your schedule on your priorities. Don't waste time and energy on activities that don't reflect what's most important to you. Freeing yourself from unnecessary tasks will encourage you.

Share your faith with others. Whenever God gives you the opportunity to share your faith with non-Christians who seeking Him, do so. You'll remind yourself of how God has worked in your life and experience the joy of helping others discover Him.

Use the talents God has given you. Letting your talents lie dormant will only increase your sense of discouragement. Ask God to lead you to specific situations where you can put them to full use - for God's glory, and to help make the world a better place.

Resist Satan's efforts to discourage you more. Remember the Bible's promise that if you resist Satan, he will flee from you. Every day, pray for the spiritual strength you need to fight the evil attacks that you'll encounter in this fallen world. When Satan tempts you to doubt God, choose to trust Him. When Satan tries to deceive you and you feel confused, pray to discern the truth. When Satan promotes divisions between you and other Christians, make every effort to keep the unity of the Holy Spirit through the bond of peace. Keep in mind that God's power working in you is greater than any of Satan's schemes and, in Christ, you have the spiritual authority to defeat Satan's work and emerge victorious.

Choose faith over fear. Recognize that God is alwayswith you - even in the middle of the most discouraging circumstances. Whenever you feel afraid, choose to trust God despite your fear. God may not change your circumstances when you'd like Him to, but He will always give you the encouragement you need to deal with them as long as necessary.

Never give up! Keep holding on to God's promise that He has an important plan for your life. Keep praying for the encouragement you need to fulfill all of His purposes for you.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

“This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert, my heart is receptive; Ill never be the same. In Jesus name, God bless you.”

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Cooking for my dearest..

haha..I finally managed to cook 3 dishes for my dearest Mindy.
1. Sweet & Sour Chicken
2. Fried Chicken with potato
3. Mixed Veggie

Result: YUMMY :) ..yes ar?


Matt: So honey..how's d food?

Mindy: hahahahaha...ehek..ehek..hahaha..(keeps on smiling and laughing coz she's gonna marry an awesome guy!!) yeslah I perasan..

Matt: Ahem..honey?

Mindy: Nice lor... :P VEry..VERY NICE!!! Cook again ar..

Matt : :)

Well that's all folks..

Thursday, September 17, 2009

a letter from the devil

DARK LETTER Letter from the Devil This can really make you think. It actually made me really mad while I was reading it, but it made me realize some things.


I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores. You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn’t even bless your meals, or pray before going to bed last night. You are so unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your way of living, Fool, you are mine. Remember, you and I have been going steady for years, and I still don’t love you yet . As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate God. He kicked me out of heaven, and I’m going to use you as long as possible to pay him back.

You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you. But you have yielded your life to me, and I’m going to make your life a living hell. That way, we’ll be together twice. This will really hurt God. Thanks to you, I’m really showing Him who’s boss in your life with all of the good times we’ve had. We have been. watching dirty movies, cursing people out, stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental, back stabbing people, disrespecting adults, and those in leadership positions, no respect for the Church, bad attitudes. SURELY you don’t want to give all this up. Come on, Fool, let’s burn together forever. I’ve got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.

I’d like to say “THANKS” for letting me use you for most of your foolish life. You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in. HA HA HA, you make me sick. Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life. You look 20 years older, and now, I need new blood. So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink while under-aged, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and live being as selfish as possible. Do all of this in the presence of children and they will do it too. Kids are like that. Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now.

I’ll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run somewhere, confess your sins, and live for God with what little bit of life that you have left. It’s not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning, it’s becoming a bit ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate you. IT’S JUST THAT YOU’D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR CHRIST.